The Signs We Miss.

A mother and psychologist who missed the signs in her own child, and spent three years finding out why. Part memoir, part field guide to what parents overlook and what the system is trained to dismiss.

The book, and the gathering around it.

The Signs We Miss is the story of what happens when the person most equipped to see the signs misses them anyway.

I am a registered psychologist. I write reports for courts on allegations of child sexual abuse. I knew the research, I knew the indicators, and when my three-year-old son came home from daycare and told me someone had hurt him, I put the cream on, did his nappy up and put him in his bed.

I was not the only one. Several children at that centre were the subject of a police report. There were disclosures, behavioural evidence, and expert psychological reports. The investigation closed with the words no offence detected.

This is what I found when I went looking for why. It is about the four days, the eight weeks, the three years. About a system that ask a child for proof it has already made impossible, and about what it costs to keep asking anyway.

It is time we saw the signs we miss

It is not published on this site. You can read about the project here, add your voice to it, and preorder ahead of publication.

The Signs We Miss

Memoir and field guide. Publication ahead. Preorder to secure a first edition and to be told the moment it lands.

The stories the system missed.

This project is bigger than one family. If your child’s signs were missed, or you fight so other children’s won’t be, I want to hear from you. Share only what you are comfortable sharing. Nothing is published without your explicit consent.

For parents

If the signs were there and the system did not see them, your account matters. You choose what to tell and how much. Use initials if you prefer.

Please leave out full names of people or organisations for now; I may follow up before anything is ever used, and nothing is published without your written consent. If sharing brings up distress, support is available: 1800 RESPECT 1800 737 732, Bravehearts 1800 272 831, Lifeline 13 11 14.

For advocates

If you are fighting for children, through law, policy, research, journalism, or on the ground, let’s connect. This work is stronger when the people doing it are not doing it alone.

I read every message personally. If your work touches active legal proceedings, please say so, and we’ll take appropriate care.